May 25, 2024

“A woman’s orgasm is such a fragile thing, dependent as much upon her mind as on her clitoris.”- Megan Hart

Everybody wants when they are having sex, to round off their exciting adventure with an amazing climax. For some couples, it’s hard to climax at all and some don’t know what having multiple orgasms is like. But are multiple orgasms just a fantasy?  Is it all about people that like to boast about their sexual prowess? It is possibly something too good to be true?

No, says sexologist Jess OReilly. She says that people, no matter what gender they are, are capable of enjoying multiple orgasms.

There are no magic pills that give multiple orgasmic experiences

It would be really nice if there was a manual that we could follow the instructions. But in actual fact, you probably would be disappointed with the instructions because everybody is different, from one person to the next. Each person has a different mental, physical and emotional disposition and even our bodies are all different.

What all it takes to experience orgasms

You will need to pay attention to all the details of your relationship, your vulnerabilities, and your willingness to experiment.  You will need to also be open-minded and understanding, and know your body and your partner’s body to experience multiple orgasms. You need passion too [1].

Also, experiencing multiple orgasms is different for men and women [2]. For men, it is quite an uncommon experience. For them, once they have an orgasm, their bodies need to recoup before they climax again. But for women, it’s a different matter. It’s easier for women to have multiple orgasms, even though it needs a bit of practice!

Men won’t mind practicing to achieve multiple orgasms

Of course, men aren’t going to mind at all practicing to achieve multiple orgasms. They will practice while masturbating to keep going for more orgasms. With a bit of practice, a guy can stay hard, or he can ask his partner to help him stay hard after his first orgasm. You will find it gets easier and it will also help to build a good rapport between you and your partner.

For women, orgasm builds from arousal

That means a woman needs foreplay to enjoy sexual pleasure [3], so a guy needs to start early. Dr. Emily Morse, a sexologist says that she always says that foreplay begins after the last orgasm. This means a guy should be laying the groundwork long before the two of you enter the bedroom. A really good place to start is with your lady’s biggest sex organ – and that’s her mind, guys! You should let your partner know that she is wanted. Sext her and tell her! When you get home, turn up the affection, touching her and being kind and considerate. It means that by the time you get to the bedroom or wherever, she is already ready and smiling for the pleasures to come.

You should know your body

That’s a very important step in getting to experience multiple orgasms. You need to know what your limits are, and what your likes and dislikes are. How do you do this? Only with lots of masturbation. Then you need to communicate what you’ve learned from your body. If you allow yourself to have a bad experience during sex, you might be entirely put off for the whole experience. Then you could just as well forget about multiple orgasms!

Dr. Yvonka De Ridder, a clinical sexologist says that guys should keep in mind that women are driven by emotional and mental connections – nevertheless, for many women, their bodies are able to achieve multiple orgasms even when they may not be searching for them or ready for them.

Experience from experiments

Yvonka De Ridder also goes on to say that you learn your limits, your dislikes, and what you like doing or experiencing simply by experimenting. She recommends that if one person communicates what they like, it should not be criticized or judged, nor should it be assumed that they are weird, just simply because you haven’t experienced such things before. Always be willing to try something once. Then if it doesn’t work for you … OK. But you might be in for a delicious surprise. If it is out of the question for you, then don’t try it.

Remember to focus on touch, your senses, the feelings, and the smells – all the things that keep you right there at the moment! Because that is bound to elicit passion and chemistry; stuff that is guaranteed to possibly end in an all-night tryst with a variety of fabulous experiences.

Stay in the moment

The brain is the biggest sex organ. So a lot of the work of achieving multiple orgasms should be made above the belt.

Women often can get trapped in their heads when something new is being tried out. This can seriously hinder their pleasures. Your trick will be to help your partner with her body both physically and mentally; in fact, even after the first orgasm. She might become frustrated and overwhelmed during the process, and shut down from anything further. But you can help her to break through. Try and help her to remain focused on the sensations and feelings she is feeling. If you do find that she is distracted, give her a longing, deep, sensual kiss. That will bring her back! Then perhaps ask her a question that is related to what you are doing, reminding her that you’re both in this together, not allowing any pesky thoughts to interrupt her experience.


Important things she can do to stay present is to take note of her breath, and the ins and outs of her breath. Breathing is a great tool [4] for you,

as it helps the body relax. That, in turn, will expand both you and her potential for pleasure. Deep breaths flood the body with oxygen. This means the nervous system can do its job of increasing the amount of pleasure that your brain can process. Practice taking deep breaths together while you are at foreplay and even when you are having sex. Keep in rhythm with your movements. Maybe it might seem a bit strange at first, but nothing helps you to slow down and to get on the same page as some deep breathing.

Become cliterate

When it comes to female arousal the clitoris is the focal point. Her key pleasure points are her G-spot and the clitoris to help her experience multiple orgasms. Explore this area before just entering. Try and go slower than you want to. Remember, the clitoris is a very sensitive area. The more aroused your partner becomes, the more sensitive the clitoris becomes.

A good way to pleasure the clitoris is to massage the area around it. Use your index and middle finger, and massage slow sexy circles around her clitoris. To mix things up a bit, you can also try and use diagonal or side-to-side strokes. Just remember that the key to her climaxing is steady stimulation. Be sure to keep the rhythm, delivering steady strokes. Also, experiment with varying pressures and speeds. Use the reactions from her body to guide you. If she starts breathing heavily, or moans and wiggles her body closer to you, you’re no doubt on the right track!

Know when to pull back

Like men, women also experience a kind of waiting period after they have orgasmed. It might take a couple of minutes to regroup. You don’t have to back off immediately, but it might be necessary that you reduce the direct clitoral stimulation until it is no longer so sensitive. During this short waiting period, you can explore new techniques for stimulating her through indirect touch.  You could rub her breasts and thighs as well.  You can prime her for more orgasms by whispering in her ear with some sensual and dirty talk. You want to keep her in an aroused state. Make sure you continue to touch her and you can see that she is still connected with her body.

Feel the vibe

With any kind of massage, you will need to keep variety during clitoral stimulation. You don’t want your gal’s clitoris to be numb or over-stimulated. This is where a sex toy might be just the thing, especially when you are trying for multiple orgasms, and when it includes oral and manual play. You could include a small clitoral vibrator that mixes up the different sensations. It will provide steady and direct stimulation. Let her show you the preferred pressures and motions on her clit, and then work it into your sex play. Use it preferably after she has had her first orgasm – with this little number you can build up for another orgasm. This little vibrator can also be used to trace over her pelvic mound, nipples, and all over her body – and you can watch and see when she is ready to go again.


Patience will definitely get your gal to experience multiple orgasms. But just stay calm and enjoy! Because it might be difficult to believe it, but the more you focus on being rewarded with orgasms, the less it might happen. The best thing is to keep the pressure of the big Os, and just enjoy the act together, without any demands. Remember, it’s not about the destination, although the journey is very amazing and enjoyable. Just relax and enjoy because you never know the other exciting erogenous zones you might happen upon along the journey.

“It’s not just about the orgasms we’ve had, it’s about the journeys we’ve taken to the orgasms we’ve had” – Lebo Grand