April 23, 2024

So how do you get your partner off after you’ve climaxed? Lots of men don’t think about that. Others do. One conclusion a Kinsey Institute made in a study was that men were happy and content in their relationships if they themselves were healthy and that their partner’s orgasms were of importance to them. Many men wonder, though, that once they have climaxed how they should continue things to make their wife or partner feel fulfilled, satisfied, and content as well.

You need to realize that it is perfectly normal to not always reach orgasm every time you both indulge in sex. But if a partner fails to come at all every time, it can start to take its toll on the relationship. One study found amongst 52,000 adults that 95% of heterosexual men almost always climaxed during sex – compared to only 65% of women. [1]

So how does a guy help the woman in his life to up her come-quota?

Sara Berry, a psychosexual and relationship therapist gives some excellent tips to do just that.

Stimulate her orally

Often, even in these modern times, and in heaps of heterosexual couplings, when the man comes, then that’s it. The sex is over regardless of whether she is done or not. But actually, ignoring whether she is finished is rather selfish, right? So if she would like it, you could do some mouth or hand stimulation. Maybe she will prefer to masturbate herself to fulfilment [2].

Don’t forget foreplay

Oh yes, quickies can and do happen. Maybe you were both aroused and the genitals were all primed up for action, then that is fantastic. But if that’s not the case, then foreplay helps the genitals and penis to build up for sex. Often sex becomes painful, boring, and even intrusive if there is no foreplay [3]. What is foreplay, you ask? It can be anything that goes towards making someone feel loved and wanted; that builds up the tension for the sex that comes later. This can be saucy texting, intimate innuendos, oral sex, or anything that builds up to the sex that will happen later. It sets the tone, you could say.

Experiment with sex toys

Some people find sex toys like vibrators, particularly, very appealing to help them achieve the big O. And you get different sizes, shapes, colors, and ideas on how they will get down to the job. If you plan on getting one for yourself or for your partner, it is recommended that let your partner know and incorporate it into the fun.

Go down on her

A lot of women say that one way to get them to come is when they receive cunnilingus [4]. If both of you enjoy this and want this, you can experiment – you will soon notice and hear the appreciative noises or writhing around. Some women enjoy a tongue that consistently laps at their clitoris, while others like their entire vulva to be slathered.

Alternate with tongue and finger stimulation

Some women are uncomfortable receiving oral sex. They worry about how their vagina looks or reacts; they’re self-conscious. Sometimes she feels disconnected from her guy – while he is busy she stares up at the ceiling. And remember, too, that vaginas can take longer to get excited than penises do. So what you can do is to become more involved by including her. Make your own appreciative noises or comments, and make eye contact. Try cupping her bum and stroking her body – involve her [5].

Create an intimate bond

Being intimate might make you both feel awkward, or nervous, especially if you are trying new stuff. It could interrupt the pleasurable union. If this does happen, don’t just power on. Stop a moment and tell them how you feel, give them a compliment, maybe a hug, something that can help you find common ground and to establish an intimate bond. You will find that both of you being on the same page during sex is very sexy.

Always talk things through

There are often issues with sex and if there are, it can sometimes be a sign that the relationship is not 100%, or how it used to be. Maybe there are doubts already about the relationship, or there is resentment. It might be painful to discuss these issues, but confronting them and discussing them could lead you both to happier places and more contentment between the two of you.

Some more things about orgasms for future satisfaction

  • Remember, that even though it might be your wife, some women do orgasm easier than others [5]. Some can only climax alone and there are many reasons for this, which you should be aware of:
  • Interpersonal problems
  • Past traumas
  • Medication
  • Body issues
  • Physical conditions
  • Stress, and more
  • Work with your wife or partner: You need to create a space where both of you feel connected and happy, and where the arousal ebbs and flows. If you notice their arousal is working up to an orgasm, help her along by nurturing those feelings.
  • If your woman orgasms infrequently or hardly ever at all, you need to ask them how they feel about it. Maybe she’s frustrated. Or maybe she does actually orgasm, but it’s not that typical When Harry Met Sally performance that you might have imagined. Ask her how she feels. You might be surprised to learn it’s nothing to do with you at all.
  • Maybe you are the problem: Maybe she doesn’t like your techniques – Now that you have come it’s time for you to find out what she likes and she likes to be stimulated. Perhaps a mutual masturbation session where you touch yourselves in front of each other is what she likes. It might be too intimate and exposing but it will help to reduce the pressure of performance anxiety and pressure for her, or maybe both of you. Let her lead the way, so you know what turns her on.


Men have reported feeling higher esteem and feeling more masculine if their woman experiences orgasms. Men are often motivated to make their wife or partner orgasm simply because they love them and it makes them feel good that they were able to achieve that. A study from 2017 suggests that men are more motivated to please their partners and to enhance closeness than reacting to a sexual desire. Enjoy the fact that your partner was able to help you to achieve a climax, but now it’s your turn to satisfy her too. Then see how your relationship can take on new grounds!