April 23, 2024

Lots of people do realize that their sex lives, for many, many reasons, aren’t what they used to be or could be. Many know it, and they long for the fireworks they used to have in the earlier days. They long for that close intimacy again. They conjure up images of a spiced up sex life with a very hot partner. But they don’t have a clue how to put it all together – they often don’t have the time to bring the sizzles back into the bedroom.

But don’t get dejected and feel rejected just yet – we’ve got some tips from an expert who knows exactly how you feel and how you can spice things up again. Dr. Justin Lehmiller has even written a very popular book called Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life. So let him advise you because even research [1] shows that satisfaction with sex might go up during the first year of a couple’s life together but that it slowly declines after that. Ouch!

Let’s look at 8 ways to spice up your sex life and put the groove back!

  1. Changing up your sex positions

When you decide to switch to new positions in sex play, you are able to adjust the depth and speed of penetration – you will be able to hit some different erogenous zones. And these different positions aren’t just for intercourse; they apply for oral sex as well. Check out all the positions and how to do them:

For most people this is the first sex position we think of – it is the most common sex position. People enjoy it because it allows wonderful sexual intimacy with skin on skin, able to kiss and look deep into each other’s eyes.

After missionary, this style is also one of the most common sexual positions.

Standing sex comes with many possibilities! It allows you to use your hands in different ways as well as to experience new angles for penetration. This offers exciting sensations that are quite different from lying down.

A lot of people find this position very sexy and hot. Like the Missionary position, it gives couples the chance to look into each other’s eyes and kiss and touch each other in so many ways.

  • 69

In the 69 position, you perform oral sex on someone while they perform oral sex on you, together, at the same time [2].

2. Bring in the sex toys

Sex toys are a novelty and a multi-million dollar business because they can enhance a couple’s sex life so much! There is research [3] out there that shows that couples who use toys in their sex play tend to be more satisfied sexually. They offer all different kinds of stimulation and can even help to close the orgasm gap between men and women.

3. Getting a hotel room

Sometimes just changing locations and the humdrum of life can put the spice back into your sex life. It doesn’t really matter where you go – as long as it’s an environment that you both love and where you feel free and comfortable to get to know each other over again

4. Sexting can really get things heated up and spicy

Sexting [4] is about sending steamy messages and steamy pics to your partner. It usually promises great things for the rest of day into the night, especially if the messages let them know how much they still mean to them. You might want to talk about what you plan to do with them, how much they still turn you on, etc.

5. Plan time and then make time for your sexual encounter

You can organize with your partner by planning ahead and agreeing, for example, that the next Saturday is the day you’re both going to commit to sexy together time. Planning time for intimacy will give you both something to look forward to. You can both block incoming appointments, meetups, and other things to put each other first.

7. Being well-groomed and healthy

Good sexual health mirrors what your overall health is like. Because it won’t matter what accessories or ideas you want to bring into the bedroom if you don’t care for yourself outside of the bedroom, you might not be successful. Are you well-groomed, are you experienced in sexual etiquette, and do you exercise and take care of your body? Many lifestyle factors, in fact, are some of the primary causes of erectile dysfunction. There are studies [5] to show that losing weight in men can actually reverse erectile dysfunction.

8. Where has the humor gone?

Humor is just great for any relationship. It keeps things interesting, fun, and balanced. If you are looking for sexual satisfaction, well, it is linked to shared experiences, particularly when you are in a committed relationship. It has been said that you can’t really love anybody if they don’t laugh with you, or make you laugh. And there are health benefits to friendly humor and laughter. Couples who laugh together connect better.  We all need and want to laugh because our bodies know instinctively that it’s good for our relationships. Love can keep us together, sure, but it’s shared laughter that makes the relationship and our sex life with that partner spiced up.


Yes, sexual lulls are normal in a relationship, even for very passionate couples. Sometimes good can come out of it, because as one psychologist says, “The emotional experience of boredom is impossible to ignore, and in this way, it indirectly helps people engage.” And as Emily Morse, a sexologist says, often “it’s that we’re so unprepared when it happens.” Her advice is to “Prioritize sex as much as any part of the relationship, and work to bring back the variety and surprise.”

It is important to start to make an effort again and to keep on mixing things up. With that bit of effort, you can transform the humdrum bedroom that you have become accustomed to into a sexual paradise again, that continually delights. It’s time, with our 8 tips to spice up your sex life above, to set you on the path to ongoing pleasures and excitement.