“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it’s pretty damn good”
Woody Allen
For most men, they have no problems with casual sex. They love sex and will engage in it on an ongoing basis, but minus the emotional phases. Men also know that most girls expect a relationship when sex is given – that many even get pregnant because that romp and the consequences might mean a trip down the aisle.
Today’s more assertive women are realizing that there is a big difference between sex and love. Modern women sign up for hook-up websites like Tinder, for example, and there they get a good understanding what partners are really after – and that’s that there are no strings attached.
Getting things straight
So how does a guy ensure that the woman he does want to sleep with doesn’t mistake things; that he is definitely not hinting towards a relationship? Well, for starters he shouldn’t treat her like something more than just that, a roll in the hay. A guy shouldn’t bring up anything that lets her believe that he wants anything more than just casual sex with her.
So let’s get down to some rules that should be applied when it comes to casual sex
Because remember, the delicate bubble of casual sex can be very easily burst.
1. Be like the boy scouts’ motto says – be prepared.
If you’re happy to involve yourself with casual hookups, an important thing to remember is that the night will end with both of you going your separate ways after the counter. You will probably both head back to your own digs at the end of the sex. Because it’s casual sex, remember you should also have a casual attitude about what you might encounter and what you should expect [1]. Perhaps the most important thing you should be prepared for is to have plenty of condoms on hand – with casual sex, they need to always be part of the equation.
2. You need to keep things light, never serious
Casual sex can be deceptively complex to get right. It can be ruined just like that by simply getting all uptight and serious about it [2]. If it’s casual sex, it needs to be fluffy and light – well, casual. This isn’t the time to pour out your heart to your ‘partner’ either. Casual sex might start off with a drink or two at a bar with some typical light conversation like “What do you do?” or “Where did you grow up” type of thing. It wouldn’t be the right time to be digging deeper into a person’s life when it’s just about a casual sex encounter. Remember to not suggest hangouts that the other person might misconstrue as turning into a date, like movies; sit-down meals, and that type of thing.
3. Don’t try and introduce fancy sex games etc. at this time
Casual sex is not the place to try things that aren’t within your comfort level – like suddenly suggesting you try some BDSM that you have never experienced before. It is best just to stay with the fairly common sex acts that you will most likely both be comfortable with, with maybe just a couple of fun twists thrown in. It’s also best to stay away from trying out your kinkiest fantasies with a stranger.
4. It’s only time to start asking hard questions if there’s a second hook-up
If you had a one-time hook-up with someone, there is no need to get a briefing from the ‘partner’ about how the casual sex went. One-time sex with a stranger requires very little from someone. But if you two do happen to fall into another no-strings-attached meet up again, then some boundaries will need to be set. Around about this time you might need to be saying “Are you cool with keeping this casual? No big deal if you aren’t, I just want to be on the same page because that’s what I’m looking for.” If you do continue to meet up regularly for sex then more specific rules might need to be set up.
5. No lingering is required
Being bodily close to someone for a long time usually leads to intimacy. Hanging out with someone for a long time, you usually become friends. If you really get on well, you can well end up sleeping together and spending even more time with each other. And then guess what? Bam! Suddenly emotions and expectations are involved. Casual sex, without you liking the sound of it, is really all about wham-bam thank you mam type of sex. When it leads to lingering afterward, having some breakfast, then some more cuddles, you are moving onto other levels [3].
6. Keep weird stuff away
Remember, casual sex is not about a date. That means you can’t tell the other person what to say or do, or wear, or ask who they had casual sex with last. There’s no place for possessiveness here, no place to stalk them on their Facebook and Instagram accounts. You can’t get possessive when it comes to a casual hook-up and announce that you are ‘in a relationship’ after a hookup! This time around, it’s about being cool and casual, maybe with just an inch of effort thrown in for your fun. That’s it.
Are there any benefits to casual sex?
Some of the most noted benefits of casual sex can include:
- Sexual pleasure
- Having fun
- Avoiding a relationship
- Sometimes it can lead to a future relationship
And are there risks?
- Regret which can lead to depression
- The risk of STI’s
- Worrying about the dangers involved
- Rarely is there any intimacy or emotional connection involved
Conclusion
Sex is a pleasurable activity – you can do it alone or with others, with varying degrees of formality. Sex can start off with just a hookup; i.e. casual sex, or it can be a very intimate, meaningful, loving relationship between partners who are looking for long-term relationships. For some people, the idea of new sex with a stranger is exciting; the thrill of a one-night stand in a hotel with no strings attached. And if you are willing and ready to follow the rules, and you dream of being a “Pretty Woman” that gets it all, and more, then casual sex can meet all your requirements, and more.
